Mixed Feelings

So it’s the week of Christmas. If you asked me 6 months ago how I would feel about this time of year, I probably would’ve said “the show must go on.” Now I feel differently.

Christmas was my mom’s favorite time of year….and this is the first time in my life that I am spending it without her. I just feel really empty and weepy. I thought that I was handling her death really well but something about this time of year is sending me into a tailspin. It’s like I have started back at day 1 with grief. I don’t really wanna go anywhere or do too much. But I’m pushing through in spite of it all. I just never thought that it would be this hard.

Now I’m not totally depressed. I have my good days….then I have a moment in that day. Then I have my bad ones….like today, where I can’t seem to get started. Just praying for strength and guidance. At this point that’s all I can do.

I am grateful for my guy. He been a rock. He knows how I feel and is there for me every step of the way. He lost his dad 2 days after Christmas, so this is always a rough time for him too. He counteracts the loneliness I feel. So here’s to better days….

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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One thought on “Mixed Feelings

  1. I am glad you are taking this time of year well. I know every day presents challenges to you. Many people assume things about how you are going to feel. They are trying to help, but sometimes there is no preventing the inevitable blues. Take care.

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