Grin And Bear It?

My dad is getting remarried on July 2nd.
I have known this little tidbit of information since April, but in my mind I just thought that it wasn’t going to happen. I have no problem with my dad dating. I could tell that he was getting lonely. Who could blame him? If I were married to someone for 28 years and they died, I would have an issue with loneliness myself. So when he met F.S.M. (future stepmother) back in January, I said go forth and prosper. My baby brother (total mama’s boy) pitched the biggest fit about them even dating. He didn’t like it, didn’t stand for it. I had to log what seemed like hundreds of man hours on the phone with him to get him to realize that Daddy dating is probably a good thing. My brother was stuck on the fact that Mama hadn’t even been gone but 7 months.  They had been dating a month before I met her. It was a casual meeting in Walmart of all places. You can’t really tell a lot about a person in 30 minutes or so. What I did see was that she had him smiling, laughing, and giggling like a young person (which if you my dad….is strange in itself). So she was okay with me for the most part. My brother, however, was not accepting her AT ALL.
Fast forward to April. My dad and I are riding in my car to Grenada on a Spain’s run (All North Mississippians know about the discount meat, lol). My feelings toward my dad at that moment were very soft and fragile. Since my dad had been dating, I haven’t seen or heard from him very much. Calls to him left unanswered, text messages where voices used to be. I wanted to use that time to tell him how much I missed him and figure out what the hell was going on. Then we passed by this building and he announces, “that’s the building where me and F.S.M.’s reception is going to be. Did I tell you I was getting married?” HELL NO YOU DIDN’T TELL ME AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DIDN’T!!! That was my inside reaction. So my response was, “wow really? When?” To which he replied, “July 2nd. We’ve been engaged since February.” SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR. It didn’t make any sense to me. The first anniversary of my mom’s death is June 15 and you mean to tell me you are ready to get married less than a month after that? But what I said was, “why so soon?” The reaction that I got from him was “because I’m grown and I don’t need to be with someone 5 years to know whether or not I want to be with them!” Wow, Daddy. An overreaction and a knock to my life all in the same blow (he was off because me and Boo Thang have only been together 4 years, but whatever). I didn’t like it then, but I said my congratulations. I told him that we all needed to get together with F.S.M. because I don’t even know her and she’s about to become a part of my family. I hadn’t even seen her since we met the first time in January.
Two weeks passed until we got together for dinner. I brought Boo Thang for reinforcements. He knows when I am about to go off before I do, so he works perfectly in what could be heated discussions. F.S.M. was upset that I even asked why they were rushing. She told me that the reason I hadn’t spent time with her was my fault and so was the relationship with my dad. Pump your brakes, bitch I don’t even know! I told her I didn’t have anything against her I just didn’t know her and she was marrying my dad. Obviously this put me off. My dad was silent listening to me and her dialogue…..looking sad, not saying a word. Needless to say, I have only heard my dad’s voice twice since then. Yea, I know it’s June.
Yesterday would have been my mom and dad’s 29th wedding anniversary. Talked to my dad and he was torn up about it. Does that sound like a man ready to get married in less than a month to you? Me either. I didn’t say anything about it when we talked, but I feel like I must say something soon. As for F.S.M……no attempts to get to know me. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but she is supposed to come to me. She’s trying to get in my family, NOT vice versa. My brother is in the wedding. No one asked me to even participate, though my dad really wants me to be there. I feel like I am being shut out and don’t really know why. I guess I should just grin and bear it, but how?
HELP!!! Is this how I’m supposed to feel? Am I really doing something wrong?
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One thought on “Grin And Bear It?

  1. He does seem to be rushing into things, so I can see why you're concerned. They started dating in January, were engaged by February and he didn't feel it was important enough to share with you until two months down the road? It sounds like he may have been doubting his decision.He does have a right to move on, even though it seems rushed, but some men can't be without a partner. My father re-married within a year of my parent's divorce and when that marriage failed, re-married again within a year. FSM is as wrong as two left shoes and the fact that your father let her speak to you without intervening or commenting is a red flag, IMO. She sounds like the kind of women that will purposely drive a wedge between a man and his family so that she can have him and his things without someone getting in his ear and warning him.You're not doing anything wrong. I didn't attend my father's wedding to wife #2 because I caught a vibe from her that I didn't care for. It took him longer to catch that same vibe, but he eventually came around. If FSM is anything like wife #2, your father will eventually come around too. In the meantime, all you can do is continue to reach out to him.

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