A 30 Day "Getting to Know the Diva" Challenge

A couple of months back I started to do a 30 day letter writing challenge. As of today’s date, I am on day 11. I know. That’s kinda sad. I am really just figuring out why I can’t (…and at this point WON’T) finish that challenge. That challenge asked me to write a lot of personal letters to people on my blog. These are issues that I have either already dealt with privately or am in the process of figuring out where I am on them. The eleven letters I did write opened up a Pandora’s box of emotions on me. I will continue going through that in private. But not on my blog anymore. It tended to bring the tone of my blog down into a depressing one. I am really a generally happy person.

So I found something new that serves a new purpose. This is a fairly new blog that I would love to see gain the readership of some of the ones that I have had in the past. But why should people want to? This is a personal blog, so people should get to know the person who is doing the writing. Voila! The Getting to Know Diva challenge! Over the next 30 days I will be giving my readers a better insight into what makes me tick, what I love, hate, live and breathe. This is being done in conjunction with a 30 day music challenge that I am doing on Tumblr. I will post that days link here with this one as I am certain to be updating them at the same time. Here is what I will be getting into for the next 30 days.

Day 01 – Photo of you along with ten facts
Day 02 – How you got your blog/tumblr name
Day 03 – Hometown location and facts
Day 04 – Ten Places you want to visit
Day 05 – Favorite memory from childhood
Day 06 – Five favorite songs
Day 07 – Best job you ever had
Day 08 – Worst job you ever had
Day 09 – Best day of your life
Day 10 – Worst day of your life
Day 11 – A sport you love to watch/play
Day 12 – Describe your day with a picture
Day 13 – Favorite season and why
Day 14 – Something you’re addicted to
Day 15 – What decade do you think you should have been born in?
Day 16 – What did you want to be as a child

Day 17 – Favorite genre of movies
Day 18 – Favorite class/school subject
Day 19 – If you were a teacher, what subject would you teach?Day 20 – Five people you are happy with right now (no names)
Day 21 – Person you can’t live without
Day 22 – Describe your relationship status
Day 23 – Five people you are annoyed with right now (no names)

Day 24 – If you could change your first name, what would you change it to
Day 25 – Favorite stores to buy clothes from
Day 26 – Favorite book
Day 27 – College you are attending or want to attend
Day 28 – Career goals
Day 29 – Ten life goals
Day 30 – Anything you want to post about



30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 11 – A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

(NOTE: For reasons that many people who follow my blog are already aware of, I have put off writing this letter for almost a week. So now it is time to actually get these feelings out so that I can move forward with this already too long 30 day challenge, lol.)

Dear Mama,

It’s been a little over 4 months since you passed away. What I can I say? Things are definitely different now that you are gone. It’s amazing how I never really paid attention to how intertwined you were into my life. I guees that’s because I took for granted that you would always be here.

I remember like it was yesterday when you got diagnosed ….summer 2007. I remember that you went to go get some testing done and they found a mass in your lung. I just wanted to go to every appointment to keep you calm and make sure you weren’t freaking out. You found out definitely that it was cancer 2 days before my 24th birthday. You didn’t tell me because I was in Atlanta celebrating and partying for a week. IN FACT…you lied and told me you were fine until the moment I touched back down in Mississippi. I couldn’t be mad at that. That was always your way….keeping me anything that could be considered as bad news.  A lot of people talk about how angry they are when someone close to them dies. I haven’t reached that stage of grief yet….and I’m not sure if I will. I had time to try to wrap my mind around this thing before it happened (though I know now that nothing could have prepared me for the way that I feel). We had great conversations and laughed all the way to the end.

I just miss you. It just sucks to be left in a family full of guys (you know I love them…..but hell you know your son and husband). I just miss hearing your voice and calling you. I realized that I wouldn’t make a major move until I talked to you first. Now I’m coming up on a season of nothign but MAJOR moves….and I feel kinda lost because I feel as if I need you here to just through it with me. It is damnest times where I miss you the most. Monday Night Football. Work issues. Real Housewives of Atlanta (…who else can I call fifty-leven times in one episode to talk about those stupid hoes, lol). *sighs* Who’s going to help me plan my wedding? Who’s going to help me to be as good of a mother to my child as you are to me? Those are the things that run through my mind all the time.

All I want to do is make you proud. That is thing that I am striving for now. As much as it is important, for God to say “well done” at the end of my life’s journey….I want to hear it from you too. I love you. I will always miss you.  Keep me a spot warm up there….you know I’m working to be able to take it.

Love always,
Kat ♥

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 10 – Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear CL,

How have you been, girl?! It has been a moment since we have spoken. I have to say that out of all my girl friends, you have to be my bestie. We have helped each other to keep our sanity all throughout undergrad. When we were here together, there were good times all around. Late night drinking sessions, clubbing, phone convos blasting our men at the time for the wrong that they have done, “pizza and porn” Fridays with the crew (please don’t ask lol)……the spice of life for young college girls. You moved to Massachusetts to start law school about 2 years ago. I was so proud!! We always had that dream together and I was happy to assist in any way possible since I was on my way out on your way in.

Then the unthinkable happened…….we fell off. We are rekindling our friendship little by little but I really miss how we used to be. We dated and fell in love with two guys who were roommates. Who woulda thunk it? When your relationship ended, I felt so bad that I had developed such a great friendship with your ex. I didn’t want to be in the middle of the drama. I know that this is what caused the rift in between us because I didn’t want to get involved…..for the second time. I am glad that we have finally cleared that up so that we can finally move on. You are a very valuable friend to me. In fact…..I’m texting you right now. Can’t wait until you head back to the South next year!

Love you lots!

♥ Kat

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Auntie,

I know this blog post is supposed to be dedicated to someone that you wish that you could meet….and I have already met you….but I don’t remember. You died when I was 2 years old. Mama always spoke highly of you and how much that you cared for me the moment that I was born. She said that you always talked about how I was your favorite niece. I wish that I could remember you. I don’t really get along with a lot of people on Dad’s side of the family. To at least have one person that I feel close to on that side of my DNA would have been nice. How close would we have been? What kinds of things would we have done together? I am grateful to know that you were a big part of my early life.

Always,

♥ Kat

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 8 – Your Favorite Internet Friend

Dear Twitter/Facebook/LiveJournal Friend,

I feel as though I know you in REAL life. I have know you since high school when I was first introduced into the world of blogging. I never knew that I could connect with someone that I have never met in person and that lives over 16 hours away from me. Reading your thoughts, blogs, and now your tweets I feel as though we could have been sisters! We have been through so much together: deaths, births, graduations, new boyfriends, new careers, lol. As much as we travel, why haven’t we met?! Anyway you would be the perfect gal pal if you were closer and I hope that this meeting of the minds continues long into the future.

Love always,
Kat ♥

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 7 – Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

(PSA: I had to debate about which one I was going to write this letter to. Because Day 20 focuses on the person who broke your heart the most….had to go with another choice, lol)

Dear Ex-Fiancé,

It is amazing how fast time flies. It has been 8 years since the last time we have seen each other. I remember it like it was yesterday, Spring Break 2002. At that point in time I never would have though that it would have been the last time that I would ever see you. We were in a long distance relationship at that time…..I was a freshman at Ole Miss, you were working in Shreveport. Our paths just never joined back up.

You were my first “grown-up” relationship. You taught me so much about myself. I learned how much of myself I was willing to sacrifice for a relationship. I realized that being engaged was overrated for an 18 year old dropped in sea of cute, educated black men. I learned that I was going to grow up on my own calendar and not when you wanted me to. I thought that being in a relationship with someone that was 8 years older was okay since I was “mature” for my age. You were at the point in life where you were ready to get married and settle down. I was just really beginning to live. The way that it ended…..I really apologize for that. Although I found out later that you were cheating on me, I still feel that I could have handled it a lot better. I met someone else (the subject of Day 20’s letter). You weren’t acting right. I FedEx’ed your ring back to you and started living. I resented the fact that I didn’t have a normal freshman year trying to not to make you feel insecure. I was WAY too young for you and I am so sorry if I wasted any of your time.

Every now and then I think about you and send you a text to see if you are still alive. We even just started back talking on the phone. Our conversations make me smile because I realize that I made the right decision. You got that family that you always wanted. I’m sorry that you and your wife don’t always see eye to eye. I pray that your health returns and that you get that transplant because you are still dear to me. Although I hate rehashing the events of 8 years ago….it is nice to hear from you from time to time.
Love always,
Kat ♥

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 6 – A Stranger

Dear Stranger,

Hello there, nice to meet you. There are many things that you will never know about me just by looking at me. First of all, I just really want you to like me. Above all else, I am always looking for new friends and contacts…like-minded people. I know that I may seem shy and quiet. Maybe a little aloof. I don’t really know you, so I have a hard time just putting myself out there. I am really working on expanding my comfort zone, so I hope that you would be patient with me.

I know that I may seem stuck up on the outside, but that is really only because I am kinda shy. I hope that you will want to know me SO much that you take the extra time to be patient with me while I warm up to you.

Love always,

Kat ♥

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 5 – Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,

This is my first time writing a letter to something that I couldn’t really talk to. So here goes. Over the course of my life, I have had a lot of dreams. You are my 4 constant dreams….or should I say life goals and desires. Sometimes I feel as if some of you are getting farther and farther out of my reach. Others of you seem well within my grasp. So I will address each of you and my plans for you.

To be a licensed attorney: Okay…..me and you have been on a whirlwind journey since August 2005 when I started law school. Law school was struggle that year, but I hung right in there with you. Brought my GPA up from the depths of hell to get out of there with my juris doctor and most of my sanity intact. The bar exam is the only thing keeping me from you. 4 points away from passing on the first try. Ugh! 10 points away the second time….double UGH!!! Next is was the money that was keeping me from you. Then just when I thought I was going to reach out for you again…..the death of my mother placed you on the back burner again. But this February it is going to be me and you…..I hope you are ready!

To be married before the age of 25: The joke is on me for thinking that I could put a time limit on you. I turned 27 last month. No husband. But you and I both know that I have never been closer to you than I am today. When I was 25, I was in a really bad head space with the relationship that I was in. Marraige was not even an option. I am SO thankful for the mental capacity to even know that. My current relationship…..pure gold. If things stay on the same track (and my first dream pans out), I will most likely be making wedding plans in 2011. I have never been with a person where he knows my inner most thoughts, who can look at my face and instantly know how I feel. I think that this is THE ONE. And as many times as we have put off an engagement…..I am truly excited for the day that we officially are.

To be finacially sound: I know that you are best friends with dream #1 up there….so go hang out with him.

To have a greater sense of family: I thought that I had more time to work on you, but it seems as if I have been put on the fast track to make this work. The past 3 months have been…..a whirlwind with losing my mother. I am just now realizing that the relationships that I have with my brother and my dad were really facilitated by her. I don’t even know how to go about having real conversations with my dad at this point. This one thing that needs to become more than a dream….NOW!

Love always,
Kat ♥

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 4 – Your Sibling

(PSA: I know that I have been slacking with these. I am going to do better about them because getting all these feelings out have been therapy.)

Dear Brother,

There have been many times in life that I have wanted to write this exact letter but I always thought that I could just talk to you and you would understand exactly what I was saying. I have learned many times that I am mistaken….so here goes.

First off, I have loved being your older sister. Being 6 years older than you has given me the opportunity to go out there and make a lot of mistakes in life and later be able to tell you how not to do what I did. Somewhere in all of this, you have gotten the idea that I would try to sabotage you in some way. I really do have the best intentions when I give you advice (that you ask for….might I add). It hurts my feelings that you will look at my advice as cray and let people who you KNOW mean you no good lead you into dumb and dangerous situations. You get mad because when you call me later and tell me that you should have listened to me…..I don’t really listen anymore. I hate to tell people “I told you so” and I hate talking to brick walls.

I feel as though a healthy brother/sister relationship was stolen from me the moment I turned 14. Both of our parents worked far from home and I had the responsibility of helping to raise you in their absence. Til this day you look at me as more of a parental figure than a sister and that bothers me. Even when they were home, I still had to handle issues going on at school, make sure you had everything done for school….teach you life lessons, lecture you when Mama and Daddy couldn’t make you listen. I much as I love them….I think they quit a little bit once I got older. I have to be honest that I feel a little bit of resentment because of that. I just wanted the chance to just be your sister. I still do. But I am going to be as real with you as I am with everyone I deal with. I am NEVER going to hold you up in bullshit….I owe more to you than that. I can’t support your self-destructive behavior…..so if that bothers you, you can wash your hands of me. I will still love you.

Your behavior in the weeks leading up to Mama’s death…..I can’t even begin to explain how hurt I still feel about that. I didn’t appreciate you telling everyone that I never did anything for her and that I never came to visit. I hope that made you feel better because it made me feel awful when people were coming at me sideways at the funeral. You know damn well I was there almost everyday those last 2 months…..even when you had every excuse in the world not be while at the same time telling Facebook a different story.

It would be so easy for me to wash my hands of you altogether. That scares me. So I have been trying to work on it. If you want to meet me halfway….I will be waiting. Please grow up soon. You will enjoy 21 better with a little maturity.

Love always,

Kat ♥

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 3 – Your Parents

Dear Daddy,

It’s your favorite daughter! Well….it’s your only daughter but I am your favorite. I want to let you know that I love you. I know that I don’t always say it enough, but I do. It is kinda crazy that we as a family have not shown enough emotions towards each other. It’s only takes 21 days to start a new habit, so that is one that I am personally going to do.

I know that are relationship has not been the greatest one in the past. We bumped heads often during my teenage years. I thought that you were way too strict on me. I disagreed with your parenting methods and to this day I stand behind the feelings that I had back then. I know you were just doing your part to make sure that I became a well rounded young lady with goals and dreams. I felt that you could’ve loosened up a little bit. All I wanted in life was a little privacy and the chance to do the things normal teenagers my age did. So I did what normal kids in my situation did. Leave for college and LIVE!!! I did some things that probably would make you cringe….but when it was all said and done, I came back to the things that you and Mama taught me. I finished college. I graduated from law school. I became an independent woman. I can say that all of that is thanks to you and Mama.

Over the past couple of years we have gotten closer and that has made me very glad. I hope that we can grow together and become closer because you are the only Dad I have…..and the only parent I have left.

I love you always,

Daddy’s Little Girl ♥