I am a black woman who is an alumna of the University of Mississippi. There is a saying that says you never leave Ole Miss. Seeing this quote on the library wall my Freshman year, I never understood why this made sense. I do now. I did my post – graduate work there. Best seven years of my life! I lived Oxford so much that I lived and worked there three MORE years because it is a place that gets under your skin. I love my school. My time there is really why I am the way that I am. However that is challenged on a daily basis.
On Sunday, someone draped a noose and a Georgia state flag around a statue of James Meredith, the first black man to attend Ole Miss. Today people say, “there’s Ole Miss being racist again.” Today I am tired. I am tired of having to defend my school anytime that any thing remotely racit happens there. Am I saying that this type of behavior is okay? Absolutely not!! It hurts me to no end, especially with where my mind is about the Jordan Davis case and others like it. I’m just tired of the school that I love in the state where I grew up being a poster child for racial misbehavior. There are bigots everywhere and I am tired of my school having to take a 20 year step back every time someone wants to be stupid. Are we the only school to have a racist past? No, but our football team doesn’t always win and we don’t send dozens of black men to the NFL……so our penance isn’t quite paid yet. (READ: Alabama).
At work (where there is ALWAYS something red and blue displayed on my desk), I will inevitiably be asked why I love a place that is so racist. To them, I will reply:
- I went to Ole Miss because it made my parents and grandparents proud. I am only a generation removed from when black people could actually enroll without getting shot or coming up missing. II could go there as my first choice and not be scared to death. To go there and thrive, made the sacrifices and struggles they went through seem worth it. They told me so.
- Because I went to Ole Miss, I can feel comfortable in an atmosphere where everyone doesn’t look like me.
- It challenged the way that I look at the world. When your school has a past, you talk about it. A LOT. No professors shied away from it and I think to look at race relations as critically as I did, as young as I was, gave me a foundation in the way I look at things.
I challenge people to make a concerted effort to fight against racism and racist threats. Correct those that step out of line. Challenge the world. It’s everywhere. Not just Oxford.
Friday I woke up and decided that I was tired of being fat. Sick and definitely tired of being fat. I’m 5’2, 205 pounds. I am on two different blood pressure medications and I am 30. With the stressful job situations that I am under every day, it’s amazing that I don’t stroke out. So I decided to make some changes. I got approached by Weight To Lose 2013 and Carolina Fitness about a weight loss challenge so I decided to join so I can get some online accountability.
I started working out. The great part about having an Xbox One is access to Xbox Fitness. With that I have access to A LOT of workout videos. I bought Zumba Fitness and I have some other fitness games on Xbox 360. I haven’t gone to my gym yet, but I do actually plan to use my gym membership instead of just paying for it. Zumba how me how much I am out of shape. I really do believe that you need to already be in hape before starting it lol. It’s really fun even though I have two left feet. I also started Weight Watchers online (corporate discount $8….SCORE!!!!). I am on day 3 and I am starving!!! I definitely need to eat more fruits and veggies as a filler or I will start biting folks’ heads off. I have counted calories before and managed to stay full. This has me wondering where the food goes. But maybe this will change once I get used to it.
My weigh in day is going to be on Sundays so I will keep you posted!! Do you have weight loss goals? Are you tired of being fat too? Do share?
As my natural hair grows out, I’m learning a great deal about myself. Namely how impatient I can be about EVERYTHING. I’ve done my research about going natural and I know for a fact that transitioning to natural (which I chose for the sole reason of not wanting a TWA) is a hard path. Doesn’t stop me from complaining about maintaining my two textures and the fact that April seems to be a long way. (This when I’m tentatively going to big chop) Just when I though I was going to lose my mind…I LEARNED HOW TO FLAT TWIST!!!! This may seem like a small feat to those who have been doing their hair a long time, but for me this was major.
With a headband….HOTTY TODDY!!
All dressed up and ready to go out.
So this was my style for the last two weeks. I was happy about finally having a style that let me have 3rd day hair. THIRD. DAY. HAIR. When I used to wash and do a bantu knot out or regular twist out, it was cute on day ONE. That’s it. I could make it twerk into something decent on the second day. By day three, I was looking for a half wig. So I’m proud of myself. However, I woke up and it was 40 degrees…..so that means it’s about time to put this hair up. So I’m going to do Havana twists for
the next 2 months 6 weeks as long as they will hold up and not get on my nerves. I am really starting to love my hair!!!! I feel so much more….me.
Today was my first day back at work since the surgery. 2 things….
- Mondays are awful days to go back to work after a leave of absence.
- It’s bright as all hell inside my office!!
I don’t ever remember it being that bright before. I guess it has every thing to do with having to dilate my eyes twice a day. I’m literally sitting at my cubicle for 30 minutes at a time with the cataract shades on looking like Ray Charles. A co-worker told me “I’d rather look like him than be him…” Touche.
I’m at work….however my personnel number is still inactive. Somebody better fix this before the end of the pay period. I worked all day. I need every bit of my $137.12. (yep….every dime).
I thought I missed work while I was out because I was SO bored. Turns out I didn’t miss my job at all. In fact, I had butterflies in my stomach from the time my alarm went off…and not the good kind. It’s about that time to get some new responsibilities. I’m not very good with repetition and monotony, so I’m getting antsy. Praying for new possibilities.
I have moved!!! YES!!!!
The past month has been a flurry of packing, moving and getting things in order to move. I intentionally stopped blogging so that I can get into a less busy head space. I am officially a resident of Madison County….and that feels pretty good. Around my last couple of days left in Oxford, I realized that I have lived in Oxford for the past 10 years. I moved into Crosby Hall at Ole Miss on June 27, 2001. That was the beginning of the second summer session before my freshman year. I never left. Something about Oxford connected with me. I guess that was because my hometown is the size of a small village. Anything that was a little bigger was better for me. Went to undergrad there. Went to law school there. Then started spinning my wheels there. Great town for a student…..not that great for anyone else there.
I’ve been here almost 3 weeks and it is still kinda weird to call anywhere else home. These are familiar surroundings but I’ve only visited. I am still trying to get out and bump around to make myself more at home. The job search has also began. I may have a job next week….but that is the subject for another post if and when I get the job.
There is also a change with Boo Thang and I. Over the past few days, he has been the most affectionate guy. I have the urge to just reach out and ask him what he did, lol. He’s excited that he got to take me home with him. Can’t be mad at that. We were stuck in a little rut and the change of scenery has done us good….in 3 weeks lol.
HOWEVER (and what is a happy post without a “but”) I am SO ready to move, lol. We are staying with Boo Thang’s mother and stepdad until we save enough money to move out. I feel like that we have instantly stepped into the role of children. I love his mother to death, but it is so obvious that the absence of children has her happy that we are there. I don’t have any problems, but Boo Thang is seriously annoyed. When he’s annoyed, I’m annoyed. (It just happens like that sometimes.) I haven’t lived at home with my parents for more than a summer in the past ten years, so I understand how much of a culture shock this is for him. All the more reason to get on up, get it together and move on out. It’s going to work itself out though….or y’all will hear about it.
Today is my first day back at home from a 2 week vacation with Boo Thang to visit his family. His little sister and cousin who he considers a little brother graduated from high school. Since their graduations were a week apart, we just decided to stay down there until they both were finished. I love visiting his family. They have the family relationships that I wish I had growing up. It’s always fun. But I must say that I am happy to be back home with my TV, computer, internet access and the ability to sit on my ass if I so desire, lol.
That two weeks was the biggest test run. In two months, I am probably going to be following my boyfriend home. Job opportunities in this little corner of North Mississippi are…..well non-existent. Especially with the money that I need to make. (Yes, need…..it’s hard to settle when you have almost $100K in student loan debt) His mom is totally cool with me staying down there until I get on my feet. She actually has been trying to get me to move down there without him since I got laid off exactly a year ago. So while I was there I did a lot of networking and job applications and inquiries…..and lucked up on a job interview in two weeks. YAY!!!! This is my first job interview in a YEAR!!! This really boosted my confidence a whole lot. It will make me feel good to start making substantial money again. Then I can start saving up for bar fees and start that race over again.
This turned into Boo Thang wanting to go apartment hunting. He’s really not trying to live with his mom for any long stretches of time. He is in super saver mode already, lol. I can understand that. I have lived on my own since I was 22. And we have lived together pretty sufficient since 2009. Hopefully this doesn’t strain our relationship any. I think that the power moves that we made while we were down there was something that we both needed. A change of scenery is something that we both need. Keep us in your prayers!
Last night while I was watching an episode of Mob Wives (…what? Like you’ve never watched programming that has dropped your IQ a point or two.), I got a Twitter alert that Obama was going to address the nation. I looked at the clock (9:35 P.M. local time) and was immediately nervous. Then Twitter broke the news first…..they finally killed Osama Bin Laden. IT TOOK LONG ENOUGH!!! I chuckled at the irony that the announcement was made on the 8th anniversary of George W’s “Mission Accomplished” speech. Twitter is always a crazy place to be when things like this happen. You get celebrations, amateur political commentary, and jokes. I must say that I love the jokes the most.
What I don’t particularly care for is the faction of Twitter I love to call “fake revolutionaries.” These people are never happy when it comes to anything about the government, politics, social culture……ANYTHING. However I noticed that they never seem to surface until there is something that creates a buzz. These are just a few of the quotes that were taken from my timeline:
“Osama is dead. Police brutality finally has no reason to exist.”
“Yay, Osama is dead. Who needs health care? #missionaccomplished”
“Now the US public education system will prepare our children for the global job market since Bin Laden is dead. o_0”
“I hope people know that just because they got Bin Laden doesn’t mean terrorism is over.”
Well…..thanks for killing my elation that the military achieved a 10 year old mission. Forgive me for being glued to the TV because there is a little bit of justice right now for some 9/11 families. The thing that kills me is that out of those 4 things that were said above, three of them only need a little bit of community and national activism. I don’t see these people out there doing anything of relevance except complaining. Is that what social networking has become? A place to gripe and complain. I guess folks figure that as long as they are actively complaining that they don’t have to do any of the ground work ourselves. It’s time out for fake revolutionaries. Be about the change that you seek. Actively work for those things. Mad about police brutality. Do something about it. Mad about health care? Lobby your congressmen. Worried about public education? Volunteer in your local schools, join the PTA, and do us all a favor and actually raise your children. The point is stop hiding behind the computer screen…..no one really hears you.