On Saying Yes to Everything

This is a great piece on Kayla’s blog. It really got me to thinking about my life is a good way. I’ve been so bored lately. I hate my job. I rarely go out because my job tires and stresses out. But what ties me to it? Me. It’s time to live! I’m 30….I’m still young!

Gen Y Girl

try-or-die1

A good friend of mine got really mad at me the other day.

She was venting to me about how terribly bored she is these days, and I kind of told her it was her own fault.

I’m not a mean person, I promise. I just thought it was important to tell her the truth.

Because my friend is basically a hermit.

She doesn’t try new things and she doesn’t put herself out there.

And she likes it that way, because it’s safe.

So I told her that she needs to open herself up to the universe.

“Open myself up to the universe??? What kind of Buddha Gandhi BS is that?”

(Yea, I really wasn’t her favorite person that day)

But the point I was trying to make to her is that it’s important to say yes to new experiences…it’s okay to try something a little crazy.

Because it’s so easy to develop a routine.

Wake up.

Eat.

Go…

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30 To Do In My 30s

I turned 30 on August 6th. This was an age that I have been dreading for A WHILE. For some reason, 30 just seemed old to me. I also dreaded turning 30 for the simple fact that I am nowhere near where my 22 year old self thought I would be right now. Then I turned 30 and something magical happened. I feel as if I got a fresh start. I feel sexier. For the first time, I am truly comfortable with myself and who I am….like a switch got flipped.

There are some things that I definitely want to do before I turn 40. Since this is just year one…I have plenty of time. I figure why not give myself 30 things to accomplish.

1. Pass the bar exam. Any bar exam!

2. Move out of the state of Mississippi.

3. Get a passport.

4. Travel outside of the United States.

5. Visit all 50 states (airports DO NOT count).

6. Get married.

7. Have a baby.

8. Get a tattoo.

9. Find a job that I love.

10. Be debt free.

11. Get a LL.M. in either entertainment or family law.

12. Go to Carolina Panthers football game in Bank of America stadium.

13. Learn to swim.

14. Get off blood pressure medication.

15. Buy a house.

16. Dye my hair.  (I’ve never EVER changed my natural hair color)

17. Go ice skating.

18. Experience a real white Christmas. That includes snow that lasts until the next day. Will travel for said Christmas.

19. Go to a strip club.

20. Experience a weekend in Vegas.

21. Spend New Year’s Eve in NYC.

22. Get an autographed jersey from Cam Newton. I don’t care how much it costs.

23. Get a professional massage.

24. Take my dad on a real vacation.

25. Visit a therapist. (I need to at least see if issues I have are real or imagined)

26. Visit my mother’s grave site. (Haven’t been since we put her there. I just can’t seem to go)

27. Find job where I feel fulfilled. (I know this sounds like #9)

28. Be more outspoken.

29. Laugh more.

30. Develop a deeper connection with God.

I have 10 years to get this done. Some of these are objective. Some of these don’t even go together….but it’s totally me!

My Forced Vacation!

I’ve been sidelined by retina detachment surgery again. I’m really hoping that this one is the last one. As much as I like my opthalmologist, I hope that he never puts my eye under the knife again. But hey….third time’s a charm, right?

I’m not cleared to go back to work til the 28th. This is great for two reasons. I get to heal and I get a much needed mental vacation from work. Sometimes you get sick and tired of listening to people complain about trivial matters. This gives me time to plan and set some goals with a clear mind….not just out of anger and frustration with my current situation. I have just about come up with an 18 month plan. My daddy told me that real goal setting has a definite plan. Well….here goes.

I’m Stressed Out…..

….and I’m tired of feeling this tired ALL THE TIME. I am 30 years old and my body just can not handle it well. AT ALL.

I went to get a root canal last Wednesday. I am fully aware as I sit down in the chair that this root canal is going to take up my insurance allowance for the year and I need to wait til the end of the year to get the crown so it can  be filed next year. This was planned by my primary dentist and I. HOWEVER….this little hotshot dental assistant proceeds to tell me all of the details and what my out of pocket costs were going to be. Apparently my cracked tooth was doing the most because I needed some posts and some more ish (*side eye*)….to the tune of $500 cost to me. Then asks if I was going to make the whole payment today. Then takes my blood pressure…..which was 170/110.

I’m 30 years old and money I don’t have stresses me out. I work at a high stress job that is nowhere near my hopes, ambitions and dreams that doesn’t pay nearly enough for the stress that it causes. I’m overworked, underpaid and I don’t feel appreciated…..except at home. But I am rarely there. I’m 30 years old on 2 different blood pressure medications….which I recently stopped taking just as a test (won’t be doing that again….seems like the dumbest idea I’ve had). I have severe anxiety, insomnia and I worry about everything. Why am I this high strung?!

Today I am done. It’s time to start looking for things that make me happy. I need a new job. I need a new city to live in. I need to feel comfortable and stable.

In Search of Fulfillment

Last Monday was my first day back at work after my second eye surgery. (Sounds like deja vu, doesn’t it?) I swear that Sunday night I had butterflies out of this world and my sleep was restless and fitful. This is totally not good. I had a 3 day weekend and I am experiencing the same symptoms. This is NOT good. I’ve been working for this communications company for a year and 5 months.

The pay is good and with commission, I bring in good money. I love my co-workers. HOWEVER, the cubicle life is leaving me wanting so much more. The stress of the job almost isn’t worth the money. My shift sucks (although I can’t complain about that anymore since I do get a new one starting in exactly a month.) I have so much stress and anxiety before my shift starts. It usually passes once I get there, but it shouldn’t be like that. I NEED AND CRAVE fulfillment in my job and life.

It’s not just the job. I just need something different. I need to do something that makes me feel like I am doing something that matters….whether or not I get paid for it. It’s time to re-examine the bar exam. For real. One more go at it. Outside of the state of Mississippi. I sat that dream on the shelf because it was taking too long. That wasn’t fair to myself. Something has got to give.

Getting Back Into The Swing Of Things

Today was my first day back at work since the surgery. 2 things….
  1. Mondays are awful days to go back to work after a leave of absence. 
  2. It’s bright as all hell inside my office!!

I don’t ever remember it being that bright before. I guess it has every thing to do with having to dilate my eyes twice a day. I’m literally sitting at my cubicle for 30 minutes at a time with the cataract shades on looking like Ray Charles. A co-worker told me “I’d rather look like him than be him…” Touche. 
I’m at work….however my personnel number is still inactive. Somebody better fix this before the end of the pay period. I worked all day. I need every bit of my $137.12. (yep….every dime).
I thought I missed work while I was out because I was SO bored. Turns out I didn’t miss my job at all. In fact, I had butterflies in my stomach from the time my alarm went off…and not the good kind. It’s about that time to get some new responsibilities. I’m not very good with repetition and monotony, so I’m getting antsy. Praying for new possibilities. 

Review: Triangles

Triangles
Triangles by Ellen Hopkins

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Triangles is my very first book of 2012. Although I started reading this book in December’s, the majority was read after the new year.

This book was an interesting read for the mere fact that it was written totally in prose. I loved to see how the poems from one character wives themselves and intermingled with the poems of another character.

This book centers around 3 women in their forties, heading toward a midlife crisis. Holly is a housewife with 3 loving kids and a husband who loves her. However, she is seriously bored with her life. This boredom added to a dramatic weight loss leads to get seeking happiness outside the relationship. Andrea is Holly’s best friend. She is a lonely single mother, who can’t get on board with Holly’s new lifestyle and ponders taking Holly’s neglected husband off her hands. Marissa, Andrea’s sister, is also a housewife with a distant, alcoholic husband, a homosexual son, and a terminally ill daughter that leaves her asking many questions of her life. This book has plenty of spicy, erotic scenes for those who are into that and other heartfelt moments.

I originally rated this book 5 stars when I first finished. Just thinking about the book a few days later, I have to drop it down to 4 stars. What I didn’t like about the book was the fact that it was so ling (529 pages) and after all that the book ended with no real solutions or conclusions for the characters. Still a very good read in my opinion.

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