Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. As most people know, this is the 40 days period of preparation for Easter with reflection, repentance, and prayer. Most people fast or give up things for Lent. I am not Catholic but I have fasted and given up thing before for Lent as a way to get closer to God. In the past I’ve given up alcohol, reality television, and sweets. I always make it the 40 days. I feel great about myself for having the self-control and will to do so. I have not necessarily felt closer to God in doing these things. Today while I was reading my devotional, I came across this passage:
And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. -Matthew 6:16-18
And there you have it. I can be honest and say that one of the main reasons I give up things for Lent is because everyone else is doing it. I could tell people what I was giving up and why. Then people would go “oh wow….good luck!” That’s why I never got more than an exercise in self-determination because it wasn’t done in the correct spirit. So this year I’m not giving up anything. I am going to use this period to pray more sincerely and to better my temple. I am going to continue my work on becoming a better Christian and a better person altogether. My walk with Christ i not supposed to be a show but I want people to see Him when they see me and my work. THAT i my focus for the Lenten season.
Are you giving up something for Lent? What is it? What are your preparations before Easter?
Most people wait until the tail end of the year in order to make lists and goals for themselves to make themselves better. I, however, need a life list. I need a short term list of REAL achievable goals that would make my life flow smoother and make me a better person. I need to start on them right now because there is no time like the present.
I feel like I have lost a portion of myself along the way. I would be lying if I said I didn’t know what happened. I know EXACTLY what happened. I can trace my lost feelings all the way back to September 2008. It was compounded in April 2009 and further thrown out the window in April 2011. These were the 3 times that I found out I failed the Mississippi Bar exam. As much as I have tried to create an identity for myself that doesn’t include having gone to law school, I realize that I’m existing way under my station. I’m lost. I’ve gotten caught in the working to make a living rat race that just 6 short years ago I always wanted to avoid. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want to do. I just know it isn’t this. I guess that really is the first step to breaking a rut. Knowing that this really is not it.
I want to get my passion for life life back. I want to not feel so jaded all the time. I want to smile and laugh and the possibility of something new and positive. It starts with me and my mindset. It starts today.
Today I am participating in Michelle’s Thankful Thursday linkup over at Divas With A Purpose. Go check them out.
This Thursday I am thankful for silence. It might be a weird thing to be grateful for, but when you work in the field that I do, sometimes you need to not hear people talking. At all. One of my most favorite times of the day is the hour between when I get off and when Boo Thang gets off. As much as I love to talk, I love to just sit on my couch and listen to silence. I read or just lay down and think. No TV. No phone. No music. Just silence.
What are you thankful for?
Hear My Call – Jill Scott
This song would have me reflecting every day. This song does something to me every time I hear it. It makes me want to stop, be still and just pray. Crazy enough, it really isn’t a gospel song in the traditional sense. The video just embodies everything that the song is. It’s just her, asking for a little help. Every now and again we all need that.